A long time ago, my mother (bless her insights) helped me understand that language matters. I’m paraphrasing, but this is the general meaning of what she said:
I might not feel the pain of that word, I might not fully understand why it is bad. But I know that others hurt from it, because they have told me so, and that is all that matters. It does not cost me anything not to use that word, and I know that it causes damage when I do. So I won’t.
Of course, the issue is more complex than that. The why’s and how’s are also important. Knowing the context and the history. But that up there is surely all the reason you need to not use the n-word.