Last weekend we went out to drink some alcohol while wearing nice clothes. I was quite excited, about both the drinking part and the wearing nice clothes part, because I don’t get out as much as I’d like. A combination of living far away from the centre of town, not really having any friends of my own here and being poor sees to that. Ah yes, poor me. What I wasn’t that excited about was the company part, or at least part of the company part. I don’t mind being out with boys only, I don’t care if my company is male or female (or neither, or mixed). But this one guy, apart from being quite single-minded and slightly dull from my point of view, doesn’t really seem to like me (how that is even possible anyway I don’t know??). But not just simply me as a person, but me as a gender.
You see, he doesn’t do girlfriends (unless it’s his own girlfriend). Stop giggling. What I mean is, to him, women are either potential hook-ups or in the way. As his friend’s girlfriend I’m merely an annoyance, a hindrance for an epic boys’ night out. Of course, he’s never actually said this to me directly. But the way he talks about women, other friends’ girlfriends, makes it obvious.
And of course he never actually addresses me unless absolutely necessary. I’m simply not very interesting. A woman. A non person. I couldn’t possibly have anything interesting to say because I’m, ew, a girl.
(He is obviously nine years old.)
I’ve never encountered this attitude before. I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never experienced it. Male friends and acquaintances have always been interested in me as a person, and not just as a potential sexual partner. That’s what I’m used to, and that’s how I like it. I don’t quite know how to deal with someone who only talks about football and never looks at me. It makes me want to shout I’m a person! I have interests and a sense of humour, being a woman doesn’t change that! Trying to engage him in conversation, I’m met with bland politeness but obvious disinterest. It’s frustrating.
(Of course I could just be as uninteresting to him as his constant football talk is to me (shocking) (yes, parenthesis within parenthesis), but at least I try to engage. His general attitude towards women does make me think he might have been more up for relating were I not one.)
I simply don’t know how to deal with it.
Has this ever happened to you? Or do you struggle to find (non-potential) potential sexual partners interesting? How do you deal with it?