Today I applied for a national insurance number. It’s pretty straight forward; I need it to work and pay tax. It’s no catastrophe if I don’t actually get the number, I’ll just apply again when (if) I get an actual job. But still, sitting here waiting to go, and then in the car, waiting, thinking, dreading. I go so cold. My stomach keeps turning. I really need to get over myself, and my fear of official meetings, job interviews, meetings with tutors.
I’m back now and it was fine. The woman was lovely and helpful. I’ll hear back from them in a couple of weeks. Why do these things scare me so much? Is it somehow my fear of failing, being inadequate? Either way, moving here is good for me, I can already feel it. It helps me becoming a better and stronger, less scared, person.
We got a key cut so I can get in and out of the house when no one else is home. It feels good, like I belong. My partner bought me a key ring, a tacky cat’s head covered in pink rhinestones. It’s a fantastic little thing. He also got me a lavender-scented candle, bless his heart. We joked that I am a little old lady really, not a crazy cat lady but a crazy lavender lady. Well, in that case I am brining the old lady back. I’m bringing lavender back, bitches.
Tomorrow we’re gonna have a bbq with some friends and their friends. Hopefully it won’t rain, although the forecast suggests it will. However, after tomorrow it seems summer is actually coming. At last! There’s a food festival on this weekend, and I remember we went last year. It was the only sunny weekend that entire July. It seems it brings sunshine, such a lovely thought. This time it better stay after the festival is gone though, or I’ll surely go mad, alternatively disappear into a grey and cold mist. Imagine that I used to love the rain and hate the sunshine! I should have written poetry then, it would have been an interesting read.
It’s time for dinner, creamy pork tenderloin pasta. I am starving! I hate cooking, but fortunately my partner loves it. Lucky me!